Another face off, p.1
Another Face-Off, page 1
Another Face-Off
WILDCATTERS HOCKEY SERIES
BOOK FIVE
ALEXA PADGETT
SIDECAR PRESS
Copyright © 2024 by Alexa Padgett
All rights reserved.
No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
Edited by Jessica Royer-Open
Cover design by Chris Philpot
For Danielle. You have been such an amazing boon to my career, and I cannot thank you enough!
Contents
1. Paxton
2. Hana
3. Paxton
4. Hana
5. Paxton
6. Hana
7. Paxton
8. Hana
9. Paxton
10. Hana
11. Paxton
12. Hana
13. Paxton
14. Hana
15. Paxton
16. Hana
17. Paxton
18. Hana
19. Hana
20. Paxton
21. Hana
22. Hana
23. Paxton
24. Hana
25. Paxton
26. Hana
Afterword
About the Author
Also by Alexa Padgett
For Danielle. You have been such an amazing boon to my career, and I cannot thank you enough!
Chapter 1
Paxton
I sat up in bed, and my head felt heavy in my hands—and not just because of the hangover from last night’s pity-party after I attended Naomi and Adam’s baby shower.
My teammate and mentor, Lennon Cruz, appeared in my doorway, as if conjured by magic.
“You stayed here?” I croaked.
I had a large house—four bedrooms, a media room, home gym—in the same neighborhood as a few of the other Wildcatters players. I kept two of the additional bedrooms stocked for a needy teammate or friend, but half the house sat unused. Sad.
“Yeah, man. Was worried about you,” Cruz said.
If I hadn’t broken up with Hana, like a damn fool, three years ago, maybe we’d have a kid in one of those unused rooms. My headache bloomed into a painful thrum as I conjured the sound of laughter bouncing off the walls.
“Thanks,” I told him. I owed Cruz about twenty favors.
“OJ and painkillers on the nightstand. Down ’em and hop in the shower.”
“Why?” I asked.
He raised an eyebrow. “We’re going to California.”
“W-what?”
“Because you can’t keep putting this off.”
“What?” I asked, narrowing my eyes.
“Hana.”
“What do you know about Hana?”
“You mean besides the sob-fest version from last night?”
“I cried about her?” My dry eyes disliked me widening them, but I was too shocked to control the reaction.
“On my shoulder.” Cruz patted his thick pec. “And not just about her—about your parents after I wondered why you were spending the holidays alone.”
“I wasn’t alone; I went with you to your family’s Thanksgiving.” Where I’d eaten the best tamales ever. Mama Cruz might be a tall, languid woman, but she turned into a three-star general in her kitchen.
“Here’s the name of the startup Hana’s working for.” Cruz let the paper flutter to my nightstand next to the glass of juice and pills.
“You know where she’s working? That seems like…stalking.”
Cruz scoffed. “Like I’d ever stalk a woman.”
“So then how did you get the information in like, seven hours?”
“We’ll talk about that on the plane.”
“No,” I said. “We’ll talk about it now.”
He raised an eyebrow. “You told me the story about Hana on your birthday.”
“I did? That was months ago!”
“Nearly a year now. You were all pitiful after seeing Maxim with Ida Jane.”
That I didn’t remember, probably because I’d been plastered. But I did know how Maxim looked at his wife, and each time I saw that devotion in his eyes and her soft smile back, I was reminded of Hana.
Cruz had taken care of me that night, too, and not said anything to the guys about it, for which I was thankful. I still wasn’t ready to discuss Hana with the team.
“Last night was simply the callback to that, which told me you still care too much to let go of the hope of a future with her.”
He wasn’t wrong. And I was positive Hana was my soulmate, but that didn’t change the hurt I’d caused her. I closed my eyes and swallowed, grimacing at the terrible taste in my mouth.
“Ass out of bed, Naese. You only have an hour-fifty to pack for our next game and get yourself showered.”
“Why?” I croaked. I opened my aching eyes and looked at him.
His expression seemed to soften beneath that thick beard. “You need to talk to your girl. Get up,” he said again. “We really should leave in an hour and a half. I’m not going to let you mess up this meet-and-greet I worked hard to put together.”
“I…” I shut my mouth.
Last night’s baby shower had caused a resurgence of my disgust at walking away from Hana, the love of my life. It was a constant battle now to swallow my disappointment in myself. At least I’d made some better choices since coming to Houston, and I was long past the point where casual relationships filled the void of loneliness I’d ripped into my soul when I told Hana we were through.
I hadn’t once felt a connection to another woman like the bond I’d shared with Hana. So, I’d simply become less and less satisfied with my dating life and my hockey career. For the first time ever, I was unsure how to correct the problems. Normally, I’d call my dad and get advice from him, but he’d been the one to push me to end things with Hana. In fact, my parents had nailed our coffin shut and thrown it out to sea when my father told me I had to choose between my family and career or the woman who was holding me back.
I’d listened to him, but I’d come to hate him for his words.
I was furious—with my father, especially—so angry that I wasn’t sure I’d ever forgive either of my parents. But I shouldered the blame for not calling Hana back a few days later after she’d left me a message.
If I had…
If I had, maybe she’d be here with me in this bed, and I’d be happy. I could barely remember what that felt like anymore. Even the camaraderie of my teammates failed to chip away the coldness that seemed to surround my soul.
“Why?” I asked again, the rest of the words choked off because my throat ached. My response to Cruz was embarrassing. He’d caught me while I was down, and I hated getting emotional.
“You don’t have to keep beating yourself up over a mistake you made years ago,” he said, his murderous resting face softening…a little. Cruz would always look like he was going to kill someone. It was part of his charm—that and his brutal checks and punches on the ice.
I loved the guy. In fact, we all adored Cruz.
“From what you said last night, your father also bears some blame,” he noted. “You admitted to the screw up, and now it’s time to take back control. She may not want you, and you’ll have to deal with that, but at least you can get out of being stuck.”
I was sick of pretending I was okay—I wasn’t. I missed Hana. I screwed my eyes tightly shut.
I miss her terribly.
My hands fisted, and anger pumped through me—hot, heady, and dangerous if I didn’t find a proper outlet. I didn’t want to lash out at my friends…or Hana.
No, this was a rush I should unleash in practices, maybe a game.
I swallowed down my initial reaction. My next step was to fix the situation with Hana. I was determined to wash off last night’s overindulgence and then move on to my parents’ lies. The only way to get Hana back was to talk to her.
I turned on the taps in my shower and stripped off the boxer briefs and T-shirt I’d slept in. I was a professional hockey player with multiple years in the league. I played for one of the best teams because Coach had traded for me partway through my first season. To most people, I seemed to have it all.
Professionally, I did. But I noted how happy Coach was with his wife, Paloma. Adam and Naomi were all lovey-dovey, as were Cormac and Keelie, and now the mighty Maxim Dolov and his tiny obsession, Ida Jane.
Even notorious ladies’ man Luka Stol had settled into familial bliss, that fucking asshole. And here I was, still chasing the thing I’d always wanted—and had let slip through my fingers.
Cruz pounded on my bathroom door. “Thirty minutes till we gotta leave!”
“I’ll be ready,” I called. I hissed as I stepped into the stall, but the lure of seeing Hana again kept me rooted in the space.
Hana. We’d known each other practically our whole lives. Her family had moved in down the street right before second grade. Hana and her older brother, Aiki, had arrived just days before we started classes. I’d met them in the vacant lot between our houses. Aiki was loud and fun—a rough-and-tumble boy who didn’t mind getting dirty, or in trouble.
But Hana was quiet. Many people considered her shy. She wasn’t, though, not once you got to know her. She just assessed a situation before stepping into it, an essential part of her personality, just like hockey was to me.
Aiki and I had gott en on well because we both liked sports and running around, but it was Hana that drew me closer, and I’d spent more of my time with her by late elementary school.
There had never even been even the idea of another woman for me. Hana and I had started dating our sophomore year of high school. Her mother was traditional in her values and culture, and that meant Hana and I had less freedom to spend time together than before we’d made our relationship official.
I soaped my body, staring down at the drain, watching the suds build up there.
But I’d told her I would never hide how much I cared for her, how proud I was that she wanted me, too.
That was all true.
Until I blew it up. I groaned, shoving the heels of my hands into my eyes as I remembered that conversation and the painful reality of the aftermath.
“You don’t need to come to the draft,” I’d said, shifting my weight, my father’s words spinning through my head.
“Of course I’m going to be there,” Hana said, smiling. Her dark eyes had shone bright with pride and excitement. “I need to show the world how proud I am of my man.” She’d run her palms down my chest, and a warm tingle had lit me up even as my heart pounded.
“But that’s just it,” I’d blurted.
She’d pulled back, confusion marring her soft white brow. “What’s it?”
“I’m not your man.”
Her eyes had widened as my heart dropped not just to my feet but seemingly out of my body. I’d done it. I’d started the process of breaking up with the only girl I’d ever dated. The only woman I’d loved.
And I’d watched her face pale, her eyes widen. Hana rarely showed great emotion with anyone, so I wasn’t surprised when she’d bowed her head to hide the tears forming in her eyes. I knew they were there, though, because my eyes were filled, too.
“You have another semester of college,” I’d told her, my words pouring out of me faster, and faster. “And I’m going to some other city—maybe across the country…”
“I’ll go with you—”
“No, Hana. I know how important your studies are to you. You worked so hard to get into a top-tier school. You shouldn’t have to give up that diploma for me.”
She’d raised her head then, the fire in her eyes battling with the wet streaks down her cheeks. “So instead you’re going to break up with me. Just…dump me because I don’t fit in easily to your new life?”
I’d bitten my cheek, staring at her for a long moment. Myriad thoughts had rushed through my head, mostly my father’s words. “Too young… Never even looked at another woman… Can’t know this relationship is what you want…”
He’d made sense, hadn’t he? “There are going to be so many girls and parties,” I’d tried to explain. “There’s no way I could—”
“Be very careful what you say next, Pax,” Hana had said, her voice soft, yet filled with a layer of steel I rarely heard from her.
“W-what do you mean?” I’d asked.
“It sounds like you’re saying these other women will tempt you, and you don’t have the discipline to stay faithful,” Hana replied, her lovely amber-colored eyes narrowed to slits.
“I—no, that’s not what I mean.”
Was it? Had my dad been telling me I didn’t have the willpower? I frowned. I loved Hana. I’d been faithful to this point. Why wouldn’t I continue to be faithful?
I’d shaken my head, confusion beating at my skull.
“Then what do you mean?” Hana had asked.
“That…that… It’s just too hard to keep us going when you’re in Boston, and I’m somewhere else.”
Hana had studied me a moment, and her face slowly turned into a mask—an expression I most often saw when she was around her mother. For whatever reason, Hana and Mrs. Sato didn’t get along well. Hana had never explained why, though I’d asked numerous times.
My throat had closed as panic gripped me. My dad had said I was doing the right thing, setting her free, trying to make sure Hana had the opportunities to meet her full potential.
This was right, wasn’t it? I was being the bigger person. So why did I feel so small? So miserable.
“You know what?” Hana had said.
“What?”
“You’re just like everyone else in my life.” With that she’d turned and walked away, her shoulders hunched.
I’d spent a sleepless night, and unable to handle the divide between us, I’d gone over to Hana’s house early the next morning. I’d needed to talk to her and make sure she knew how much I cared for her…
When the door had opened, Mrs. Sato stood there, smiling brightly. Her face was more animated than I’d ever seen it. “You did the right thing.”
“It doesn’t feel right,” I muttered. “In fact, I don’t think I can—”
“You can,” she snapped. “You will. It’s for Hana’s future. You should never have had the opportunity to disrupt her path.”
For the first time in that moment, I saw the tyrant Hana had rarely mentioned but clearly knew well. Mrs. Sato didn’t have Hana’s best interest at heart. I’d realized the older woman was creating a future for her daughter that she wanted for herself. One that didn’t—and had never—included me.
And the off-kilter feeling had grown. I had to see Hana; I’d explain—
“You will not see her,” Mrs. Sato had countered.
And I’d realized I’d spoken aloud. Straightening my shoulders and lifting my chin, I’d stared into her eyes. “I love your daughter.”
She’d scoffed. “If you did, you wouldn’t have been so quick to listen to your father.”
How had she known about that? Had my dad and Mrs. Sato talked about Hana and me, decided our future? I’d felt duped. No, this couldn’t stand. I’d stepped back and looked up at the second-story window in Hana’s bedroom.
“What good is love?” Mrs. Sato had sneered. “It doesn’t offer security or respectability. My daughter deserves better than mere love. Go.” She’d waved me off. “You aren’t welcome here again.”
I’d stumbled back, shocked as Mrs. Sato shut the door with a hard click, nearly popping me in the nose. As I’d turned in a circle, unsure what to do, Aiki had slunk around the side of the house, a smirk on his face.
We hadn’t gotten along so well since I’d started dating Hana. Actually, we hadn’t gotten along since I’d grown seven inches taller than him in the eighth grade. But he was my only hope.
“Aiki, you know how I feel about Hana,” I’d started. “This… it… My dad, your mom—it’s wrong. You gotta help me, man.”
Aiki’s smirk had bloomed into a full smile. “No, actually, I don’t. You lost your chance.” He’d practically crowed the words.
I’d tried to get around him, but he blocked me. Within a moment, I’d realized he was ready to use all his pent-up anger and aggression against me. I couldn’t get to her now. I’d pulled out my phone.
Aiki had snatched it from me. “You had your chance, and you threw it—and her—away,” he’d called back over his shoulder. “Don’t ever forget that.”
I’d stood there, stunned for a moment before I took off after him. But I was too late. He’d pelted around the corner and out of sight.
Mrs. Sato had opened the door and yelled, “She’s not here, anyway!” Then she’d slammed the door shut again.
After I’d moped around outside, then inside for the next several hours, my father had suggested we leave that day for the draft. After we arrived, my friend from the Junior Nationals team, Davis, had tried to cheer me up with lots of sexy girls, but I wasn’t that interested in them—or in having a good time—until I’d gotten a text message from Hana the next day on the new phone my father had gotten me:
Hana: I never want to talk to you again.
After reading that, I decided those other women looked pretty nice after all, and I leaned hard into the partying. But it always left me empty, even more so after my first-choice coach, Silas Whittaker, had told me the Wildcatters were passing on me because of my surprising and wild behavior.
