Alice works for Jaffle Tech incorporated, the world’s biggest technology company and the creator of the Jaffle Port, the brain implant that gives users direct access to global communications, social networks and every knowledge source on the planet.Alice is on Jaffle Standard, the free service offered to all people. All she has to do in return is let Jaffle use a bit of her brain’s processing power. Maybe it’s being used to control satellites. Maybe it’s being used to further space exploration. Maybe it’s helping control self-driving cars on the freeway. Her brain is helping Jaffle help the world. And Jaffle are only using the bits of her brain she doesn’t need…But when a kind deed goes wrong, Alice accidentally has access to the entire range of her mental faculties and discovers what she has been missing out on her entire life: music, art, laughter, love…Now that she has discovered what her mind is truly capable of, how long will the company bosses let her keep it?

A city under siege by a barbarian horde…A band of ruthless mercenaries…A trap-filled dungeon…A situation like this calls for the best wizard in town.What they’ve got is the ONLY wizard in town: Newport Pagnell, oral hygiene specialist.More used to soothing fevered gums and extracting rotten teeth, this dental spellcaster has to perform an operation like never before: extracting a fabled treasure from the jaws of certain doom. This time, he might have bitten off more than he can chew…

Halloween 2016.It is eight days until the American people vote for the 45th President of the United States and millions are struck with horror at the prospect of Donald J Trump - businessman, reality TV star and professional wrestler - getting his hands on the oval office.However, few of those people know that Nostradamus had foreseen both Trump's presidency and the British exit from the EU spelling the end of the world as we know it.Jeremy Clovenhoof and Michael Michaels - the earthly incarnations of Satan and the Archangel Michael - have read the prophecies and must do their utmost to stop them coming true (because Clovenhoof can't let the world end until he's seen the latest series of Game of Thrones).As Michael heads to Europe to undo Brexit through the power of song, Clovenhoof flies to the US to stop Trump becoming president by whatever means are necessary.If you want a searing indictment of global politics and intelligent analysis of the greatest historical events of our time, go somewhere else. But if you want rampaging elephants, naked continental types, drone-mounted chickens, accidental neo-Nazis, LSD-spiked brownies, the Large Hadron Collider and the vengeful spirit of the Statue of Liberty then this slice of hellish fun might be just what you need.Advertising Show More

To the devil a daughter! Parenthood can come as a shock to some. It’s especially shocking if you are Satan, the Prince of Hell, and are trying to live a quiet life of semi-retirement in suburban England under the name of Jeremy Clovenhoof. Clovenhoof quickly finds that being a single parent involves more than lullabies and nappies and has to contend with social disapproval, paternity tests and, possibly, the end of the world. The fifth novel in the Clovenhoof series, Beelzebelle is an anarchic adventure, featuring a psychotic monkey au pair, runaway coffins, badly stuffed animals, strip dominoes, fire-breathing ferrets, pimped-up prams, well-meaning middle-class mums, apocalyptic floods, the largest act of public nudity Birmingham has ever seen and way too much homebrew Lambrini. **

As punishment for his part in an attempted coup in Heaven, the Archangel Michael is banished to Earth. The holiest of the angelic host has to learn to live as a mortal, not an easy job when you’ve got Satan as a next-door neighbour. Michael soon finds that being a good person involves more than helping out at Sunday school and attending church coffee mornings. He has to find his purpose in life, deal with earthly temptations and solve a mystery involving some unusual monks and a jar of very dangerous jam. Heide Goody and Iain Grant have written a wild comedy that features spear-wielding cub scouts, accidental transvestites, King Arthur, a super-intelligent sheepdog, hallucinogenic snacks, evil peacocks, old ladies with biscuits, naked paintball, stolen tractors, clairvoyant computers, the Women’s Institute, and way too much alcohol.**From the AuthorWe had a lot of fun writing Pigeonwings together, and hopeyou have fun reading it. We get a lot of questions about the process that we followfor collaborative writing. Here's a brief taster of how we wrote this novel: We had already written Clovenhoof, so we knew a lot about our fictional world, and most of the characters. The end of Clovenhoof saw Archangel Michael banished to earth. It added a nice finish to that novel, and gave us the jumping-off point that we needed for this one. Having said that, it was really important to us that this novel stands alone, so a top priority for this book was to make sure that people who haven't read Clovenhoof are not short-changed in any way. Pigeonwings is partially set in Wales. We went for a road trip to go and research some locations, with permission from our respective families! It's about a 4 hour drive from Birmingham to the Llyn peninsula, so we had a great opportunity to discuss our characters and plot on the way. The locations in the book are all real, although the monastery that we use is sadly now a ruin. While we were writing Pigeonwings we attended a course run by veteran sitcom writer, Keith Lindsay. It was good to see how much we were doing right, and it helped us to tweak a few things to make the most of the comedy. We worked through the chapters likethis - Heide plotted a chapter for Iain to write while Iain plotted a chapterfor Heide to write. Then we wrote those chapters, and swapped back to the otherperson to do an edit. This helped to smooth out any stylistic differences. Leap-frogging like this, we were able to write the first draft of Pigeonwings in around nine months. 

Lori Belkin has been dumped. By her parents.They moved out while she was away on holiday, and now, at the tender age of twenty-five, she’s been cruelly forced to stand on her own two feet.While she’s getting to grips with basic adulting, Lori accidentally brings to life the super-sexy man she created from celebrity photos as a teenager.Lori learns very quickly that having your ideal man is not as satisfying as it ought to be and that being an adult is far harder than it looks.Snowflake is a story about prehistoric pets, grumpy donkeys and becoming the person you want to be, not the person everyone else expects you to be.

When Jeremy Clovenhoof decides to set himself up as President for Life of his own breakaway country, he knows he’ll need money, lots and lots of money. That might be a bit difficult, particularly since the Inland Revenue have just presented him with an enormous tax bill and Heaven and Hell have sent Joan of Arc and Rutspud of the Sixth Circle to bring him under control.But nothing can keep this devil down. He’s got the business acumen and the spunk to make a fortune and found the independent nation state of Hooflandia. Come see the really big wall! Enjoy the nudist beach! Visit the combined log flume and waterboarding torture centre!The seventh book in the Clovenhoof series, Hooflandia, is a ridiculous romp, featuring ventriloquist dummies, cut-price funerals, sexy archbishops, robot cars, musical butt plugs, tax avoidance and a million angry nuns.

When Jeremy Clovenhoof decides to set himself up as President for Life of his own breakaway country, he knows he’ll need money, lots and lots of money. That might be a bit difficult, particularly since the Inland Revenue have just presented him with an enormous tax bill and Heaven and Hell have sent Joan of Arc and Rutspud of the Sixth Circle to bring him under control.But nothing can keep this devil down. He’s got the business acumen and the spunk to make a fortune and found the independent nation state of Hooflandia. Come see the really big wall! Enjoy the nudist beach! Visit the combined log flume and waterboarding torture centre!The seventh book in the Clovenhoof series, Hooflandia, is a ridiculous romp, featuring ventriloquist dummies, cut-price funerals, sexy archbishops, robot cars, musical butt plugs, tax avoidance and a million angry nuns.

Charged with gross incompetence, Satan is fired from his job as Prince of Hell and exiled to that most terrible of places: English suburbia. Forced to live as a human under the name of Jeremy Clovenhoof, the dark lord not only has to contend with the fact that no one recognises him or gives him the credit he deserves but also has to put up with the bookish wargamer next door and the voracious man-eater upstairs.Heaven, Hell and the city of Birmingham collide in a story that features murder, heavy metal, cannibalism, armed robbers, devious old ladies, Satanists who live with their mums, gentlemen of limited stature, dead vicars, petty archangels, flamethrowers, sex dolls, a blood-soaked school assembly and way too much alcohol.Clovenhoof is outrageous and irreverent (and laugh out loud funny!) but it is also filled with huge warmth and humanity. Written by first-time collaborators Heide Goody and Iain Grant, Clovenhoof will have you rooting for the bad guy like never before.